I’ve had a problem with my email, and I haven’t been able to respond individually (WTH?) as I wished. But then again, perhaps this is for a reason. If you’ve been following me for any time, and you’ve been wondering why my output on this blog has been so pathetic, you might enjoy reading the following. Below is the full text of an email I recently sent (make that tried to send but could not, for technical reasons that remain unknown to me) to a faithful fan and reader:
Commence my response:
[Awesome chick], my dear friend,
I saw this email of yours long ago, but I wasn’t in a place to answer it. I’m sorry to say that I’m still not in a great place. 🙁 I just don’t want you to think that I’m ignoring you. I’ve just been trying to figure out how to respond.
Sigh. Sorry about the drama; I’ve just been in a rough place in my life for a while. I’m sure you’ve noticed that there’s been no new content on my site. That’s because I’ve just been struggling to find motivation in my own life, in so many ways.
Yes, you are correct that I once felt like I had what it took to speak into others’ lives, to help you and them achieve your and their goals. Problem is, I’ve been so distracted, and so discouraged, about my own life and goals, that I’ve had a hard time standing on my own two feet.
I’m in a really rough spot financially, for a handful of reasons. I know that this should propel me to get out there and MAKE STUFF HAPPEN, but, well, … we all know that sometimes it takes more than truth to motivate us; it takes a fire inside us instead.
For the last year or so, I’ve been really bummed. Bummed about things in my personal life, bummed about the direction our country has been taking, bummed even about the direction Europe has been going in. I mean, people of your and my background were the inventors of almost every good thing that has happened to mankind in the past few centuries, but somehow we’re to blame for all brown and black people’s problems?
Sorry, tangent. I’ve probably been doing too much thinking lately, but at the same time, if I had to choose between too much and too little thinking, I think I’d choose “too much” every time.
Sigh. Back to you. And me.
You’ve read my stuff. You know what it takes to get into the shape you want to be: it takes a [fairly] rigid mindset that accepts only positive thoughts of success, not remedial lamentations of failure. In our messed up modern society, success is a sin—according to the others out there who know only failure. Such people vilify we successful people because it assuages their shame at being failures.
It’s late, and my mind is all over the place. Regardless, I hope you can see that it all boils down to mindset. Either you’re taking charge of your life, or you’re blaming others, or other factors that you feel are beyond your control. Honestly, sometimes they are beyond your control. For example, my body LOVES to store excess calories as fat, whereas other women shed every excess calorie. It’s not fair.
But so what? Fairness isn’t the thing; how you react is.
Sigh… I had no idea I was going to write any of this other than the first two sentences. You remind of how my tumblr days were all fueled by questions like yours. I didn’t plan how to respond, I just shared what I felt, and others found it inspirational. Whether this response will inspire you or not, I don’t know. But I hope you will be able to take something from it. That something is: skinny, or not, is your choice.
Are you ready to make a change?
If so, what kind of change? And how ready are you?
I had planned to write this response as a “Sorry, I don’t have the time or energy to help right now.” But in writing this, I somehow remembered that this is what gives me life. I want to help if I can. I really do have the knowledge and resources. So my question to you is: how can I help? Thank you for reminding me why I’m here.
Hi, me again. Thoughts?